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What it means to be Numb when Grieving Divorce

One of the outcomes of unprocessed pain from going through a stressful situation, such as divorce, is emotional numbing. We all have experienced grief in any shape or form during our lifetime. It is a way of protecting our mental state from the pain that comes with it. Numbing yourself emotionally is connected with being in denial, being defensive and detaching ourselves from our loved ones. Although at the moment it can bring a satisfying feeling of toughness, it can lead to negative effects.  

It is undeniable that getting a divorce is a huge undertaking and it is understandable to go through a range of emotions. Often when people are experiencing tough situations they tend to look for something that can ease them out of the stress and pain – food, recreational substances, and temporary companionship – whatever is the easiest and fastest to acquire. But these things can only make you more numb of your emotions.

Accepting your emotions is a good first step to stop numbing yourself. Let yourself feel all the emotions you need to go through and always remember that it is temporary. Be gentle with yourself and don’t beat yourself up. The only path towards healing is through your emotions. Also recognize and avoid the things that you tend to do to numb yourself. Notice these emotions, people or situations that can trigger you and avoid them. By recognizing them you can control your actions and direct yourself towards the path that will lead you to a healthier place.


Thinking about the “what-ifs” can also hold you back from moving on. Everything happens for a reason. Take a step back and ask yourself what are the things you can learn from this, and how can you use this to give you clarity. So always remember to be present. Avoid reliving the past and think about the gift of today and tomorrow.

The pain of losing someone and the sadness of being alone are some of the most difficult emotions that comes with divorce. Experiencing all the negative emotions that comes with it is as uncomfortable as it seems, but it also brings in a huge space for personal growth.

The truth of the matter is, numbing is just our way of telling ourselves that the pain doesn’t affect us. But it does. Letting yourself experience that pain is such an empowering thing to go through. You are proving to yourself that you’re strong enough and sure of yourself that you can overcome the pain. So always let yourself feel your emotions. Appreciate them, but don’t let them run your life.


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